This one is definitely not fictional @ 30 years old - May

"Hi"
"Hi"

We kissed. A common friend had just introduced us.
It was a dinner for three at this nice restaurant in Beijing - Le Lan or The Lan Club. Starck design with the usual madness, but that evening there was clarity instead of madness... There was enjoyment, passion... love ?!

Our common friend soon found herself lost in the middle of a dinner that was definitely for two only and she gently left after dessert.

We stayed and had drinks. A Jazz band in the background, dim lighting and poor service... but we had each other's eyes and I got lost and she did too. Without realizing I was going through the normal seduction motion: eyes, hands, kiss.

"The guys who made this table were really bastards?"
"Why?"
"Well, it's hardly easy for two people to kiss with this table in the middle"
"I can help"

She moved closer. I got slightly up from my seat and we kissed.

I had sent an email to my boss saying: "Tonight can't really be on the call. I may have met the woman of my life"

We continued talking, kissing and for once everything was seemless, everything was clear. There was no haze any more.

I took her home and then went home myself.

A couple of days later I told her what I had told our common friend: "Thank you for introducing us. It was one of the nicest things that has happened to me in a long time"

She simply replied: "Even nicer is to come"

The day - part 4 and final @ 34 years old - October

"Hi bro"

"Hi sis"

"Ready?"

"As ready as I will ever be"

Then the music. Oh so familiar.

I started trembling.

Dad smiled. Mom smiled. Sis smiled.

I looked at the back of the Church.

And there she was.

All in white. Her father by her side.

I could hint a smile. No nervousness. She's just like that.

They came down the aisle, but she wasn't walking. She was floating.

I smiled hiding the stress and tension.

She smiled back and I caught her eyes under the veil.

"Everything will be ok" - she was telling me.

God, thank you!

The day - part 3 @ 34 years old - October

Several photos later I was in this car... a nice one. Some friend had borrowed it.

Got to this beautiful neo-romantic building.

When I came out of the car... several people came by and said hi. They were very well dressed, they were.

They congratulated me. I smiled.

I got in the Church, kneeled and prayed.

"You will ruin your trousers" - Dad told me.

"Don't worry. It's well worth it."

He smiled.

I smiled.

"Your sister should be arriving"

"She does look gorgeous"

"Yes, she does"

"Come on Dad. Don't cry. These are happy moments"

"Yes, they are"

We hugged for a while

The day - part 2 @ 34 years old - October

Hustling and bustling... clothes thrown around.

"I'll help you"
"Come on..."
"I'll help you. I insist. You're a bit of a slob and you'll ruin everything"

I nodded.

"Smile!"

I smiled. The camera went on and on and I smiled.

"Now he has to change"
"I must do. Is everyone ready?"
"More or less. Your sister is obviously taking a bit longer"
"Yeah. How about Dad?"
"He's ready"
"And so are you"
"Almost, almost. Still have to go to the hairdresser for some final touches. Son, I don't know if I've told you this, but I'm so proud of you"
"Because of today?"
"For every day. I don't think your father and I could have asked for a better son or your sister for a better brother"
"Come on. You'll cry. This is the usual 'son back home' thing. I know you love me, but no need to ruin your make-up"
"Always the pragmatist"
"Always the bastard, rather"

She gently kissed me on my cheeks.

"Get ready for some photos. Most importantly with your sister"

I stopped for a second and stared at my Mom. I smiled.

The day - part 1 @ 34 years old - October

This morning I woke up with this strange feeling that something was going on.

People running around, shouting. And it wasn't my normal bed. The place looked a bit... strange. Familiar, yet strange.

I ventured out of bed and looked around. Opened the door and there it was...

Chaos, sheer chaos, tremendous chaos.

"Haven't you begun yet? Come on"

I must have looked puzzled.

"Sweety, do you need anything?"
"I guess I'm ok"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, what's all this..."

And then I realized what was going on. It was the day.

Not meant to be... @ 29 years old - February

As we talked to each other, our pain poured down each other's souls. It seemed strange and not helpful.

At least we knew, it was not meant to be... the two of us, I mean.

We continued talking, almost crying, going through our list of conquests, our losses, our fears and then it hit us, why not the two of us?

Because it was definitely too late. Because we had already told too much to each other and there was no way back from that. Typically there isn't.

And as she put her head on my shoulder, nothing happened, except the fear that became hope and the hope that became certitude. Certitude that it would all be ok in the end.

I felt strange. I wasn’t sensitive any more and all these signs of over-sensitivity were not good or so I thought.

We kissed each other goodbye and wondered if we would ever see each other through the same eyes.

"Because you are just afraid to say you love me" @ 22 years old - June

Pure blonde hair... with some light brown parts, but still pure.

That smile that will always be 18 years old although she was a year older than me. Frail body, but strong mind, maybe too strong.

In the middle of my final exams and projects, I met her at a nice mall close by. We had something to drink, not sure what any more and then I told her: "Look, I want to date you, I mean the girlfriend/boyfriend thing".

"I'm not sure. You seem to change your mind every week"
"I'm sure now. I just want to spend time with you and hold you in my arms"
"So it's a posession thing?"
She could do that once in a while, just totally turn you into a prick even when you were saying something nice.
"I genuinely love you"
"You weren't so sure last week"
"Not being sure was good, because it meant I was afraid, like you are"
"Sorry?!"
"Because you are just afraid to say you love me, but you do. I know you do"
"You smug..."
"What? Prick? You know what I say is true. I see beyond your masks. I see you and I really like you like that"
"Ok. Let's go outside"
I knew I had convinced her. It was my strangest seduction of all times. I went straight into the matter and just seduced her almost by force. By rationality.
"Hold me and kiss me"
I did.
The relationship didn't last long, but it was 6 months of absolute seduction bliss and loss of all sense of self. The relationship itself went on for 2 months or so and finishing it was a big mistake.
I now know that.